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Sunday Reflections
- Kara Foster
- Aug 13, 2017
- 5 min read
//Sunday 8.13.17//
Well, we are less than a week away from being back in the US and I have so many things on my mind. So this post is just a few reflective/random thoughts so far into the trip.
I felt weird in church today. Not weird, like I had the stomach bug, but weird as in it was strange to be in Africa and feel like I was back in America. In the service, I realized I wasn’t a minority any more. I also realized that only one person had greeted me when I came in and the only thing they said was ‘hello’. I really enjoyed the sermon, the music was what I’m used to, but I felt so disconnected and isolated. When we went to the church in Langa, where we were the only white people in there, I have never felt so much a part of the body of Christ as I did then and at TLC. It was a huge culture shock when we went to the church in Langa, but it was such an enjoyable one. I loved the sense of community there was, the love for one another that was extended to us. At Common Ground, nobody talked to us, and I felt like the service was all about the ‘presentation’ and not the people.
I can’t believe people live in the conditions that they do in the shanty towns. I know that this is reality, but it bothers me even more when I realize that this reality was caused by Apartheid and race discrimination. The people living in poverty were put there because white people put them there. I know that I should be just as bothered by the poverty of other countries, but seeing the result of years of segregation and oppression pulls at the part of me that cries against injustice.
My heart has been captured by the children. I have seen a couple babies and several children in poor communities and they are the most precious beings I have ever encountered. I had to restrain myself from asking to hold them but there was a small baby boy that when I smiled at him he smiled right back at me. I have always had a special place in my heart for children and adoption, and seeing the children born into poverty has made my heart grow bigger for them and their parents and also feel insignificant when I think about what I can do to help all the families. Today we saw some children dancing in the market and singing. But there was a man watching them, almost guarding them and I had to wonder- who was he to these children and did he make money off of them? It scared me and sobered me. While I was shopping and buying souvenirs, these children were trying to make money in their sparse clothing and they might not even get the money in the end.
I am more mentally tired than I have been in a while. It’s hard living with your professor and classmates in such close proximity. It’s not bad, it’s just different and its hard to differentiate between down time and class time when the two seem to intermingle and there are blurred lines. It’s also hard to think about writing papers and be in a “school” mode when there are so many new things to take in and literally everywhere you look is beautiful.
I haven’t been too homesick but today when I was shopping and thinking about what to get people I started missing home. And my bed.
I’m not emotionally prepared for the District 6 museum or Slave Lodge Museum. I guarantee I will be crying halfway through both. Especially after getting emotional at Robben Island and talking with the young people of Langa church.
I’m still trying to figure out how to be culturally aware and ‘with it’ here. I feel like everywhere we go we end up being the ‘loud, obnoxious Americans’. Dr. Meekins even had to apologize for our loudness in a restaurant once. It was extremely embarrassing.
Today we were given a set of questions that will be discussed in tomorrows class. One of them was ‘What/where do you find you identity?’ And another that has been in my mind that will most likely come up tomorrow is ‘Am I racist?’. I think that most people tend to say that they aren’t, which is something that even I say. I grew up in places that were diverse up until 6th grade, when I moved to a predominantly white area. I’d like to think that I’m not racist, but I wonder how often I would laugh at jokes about stereotypes in high school or fall into thinking within stereotypes. Does this make me hate anyone who is different than me? Of course not. But it makes me wonder if I am totally without fault. Especially after reading Steve Biko’s book “I Write What I Like”. How often do I ignore the struggles of minority groups, intentionally and unintentionally? It’s something I’m struggling to work through and I think the is something I will continue to work through as society shifts around me and I become more educated and informed.
I am beginning to see myself wearing thin as the trip progresses. I am beginning to become more tired and overwhelmed by the amount of information I don’t know and that can make me testy, but also after being with a smaller group like this, I become short and impatient with people, which is not a good thing and I have been struggling to reign it in. Normally I think I would be fine, but especially on this trip where we have limited access to wifi and communication with the outside world, I feel small and somewhat isolated. The good thing is that it is allowing me to be more present and in the moment. It is also pushing me to develop friendships with people that I normally wouldn’t spend much time with. Tyler is very sporty; he loves soccer. I think that’s really cool, but I have no interest in it at all so it is pushing me to try to find common ground between the two of us. Yancy is from the city, whereas I live next to a cow farm. What do we have in common? Apparently Hamilton: The Broadway Musical. Allie and I have had a class together but she loves her dog Jake and I really don’t care for dogs, but she enjoys exploring and seeing sights, while I love doing the same and taking photos of the places we see. Megan is a kindred spirit, and I enjoy the depth in her thinking. Carleigh talks to herself, but she makes some of the funniest comments and is my work-buddy. So I guess this whole trip is growing me in making connections and learning to appreciate the small things we have in common and enjoy our differences as God has created us each uniquely and wired us differently.
